What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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