i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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