awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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