If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
