i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
