Yo dont text me then not text me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
