I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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