Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So squirting runs in the family.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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