last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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