We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
