I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The best revenge is premature balding
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
