Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
