Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
