Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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