he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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