Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize