you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
