you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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