Jerry, you need to find god
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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