just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
