One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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