I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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