hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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