Can i not drive my cunt home
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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