sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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