What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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