You really coming over, don't trick.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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