Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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