i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
