She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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