i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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