I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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