that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
