It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
