Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
