Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
