think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
