i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
