So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
being pregnant is like rehab
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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