I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
