the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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