When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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