Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry about my life...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
