i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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