dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
