I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
40s are totally the cure
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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