I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
