Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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