when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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