I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
