I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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