I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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