There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
