why didn't you poke me back
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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