I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
