I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
