i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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