That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
