Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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