Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
