Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
