Michael Bay diarrhea
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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