my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
