I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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