if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
