don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
