i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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