morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
