...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
