I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just forgot I was standing up.
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