seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
