that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
