I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
