Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
