i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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