Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
