I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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