i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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