This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
