I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
As shirtless as possible
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
