he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
