you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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