Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Everclear isn't food dammit
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
